Aunt and Uncle

I believe in reincarnation. I believe that some people have been in our lives for many lifetimes.

Here I talk about my Aunt and Uncle.  I'll just call them Aunt Phyllis and Uncle Phil. Both teachers--down to the bone. My uncle taught music. One of his students was Donna Summer with whom he exchanged birthday cards until her death. Her death took my Uncle Phil by surprise--and hit him hard. No teacher wants to outlive his students.

My aunt taught history. She still does when she can.

Both of them outlived younger sisters. Their last trip on a plane was to bury my mother.

They have been married for 73 years.  No typo.

They are 96 and 97 respectively.

And they are dying.

They taught me how to live without children, and it makes me feel terrible that once we had Lotus my contact with them wasn't as frequent.  Part of that was--well parenting.  Part of it was that my Aunt Phyllis would time travel in her head.  Most often she knew who I was when I called, but we were always about to get Lotus.  And my mother was alive.  Hearing Aunt Phyl talk about her in the present tense broke stuff in me.

I believe in reincarnation. I believe that when they leave this earth they will wait for me and we will be born again together.

But right now, I just hope that if there is a merciful Gd, he will take them together.

And I hope that they will hang on until I get out there to hug them, one more time.

Emily Gilmore and My Mom

So I've been binge-watching Gilmore Girls.  I'd never seen it, a bunch of people said it was good and I've been enjoying it. I'm only in the first season so no spoilers please.

I thought I'd like Rory and Lorelei and I do.

But I love Emily. It's like having some time back with my mother.

My mother and Emily Gilmore had a lot in common. A rigid look at the world, a fierce love of their daughters, and a way to make sure her disappointment was known without saying a word. No way did we grow up that rich, but we were comfortable and the similarities are there.

There are sometimes when Emily Gilmore is on screen that I have my mom back for a little while--even the parts of her that I didn't like. Maybe especially the parts of her that I didn't like. I haven't been remembering the parts that drove me crazy--I miss them too. But there were times I could have killed her and saved the cancer the trouble. She had her bad points too, and watching Emily Gilmore helps me to remember the whole person.

Somehow this seems healthier than remembering only the good things. The bad things were there too. They had parts of our relationship and there are things I do now that I know she wouldn't have liked. She was not ever perfect. And neither is Emily Gilmore.

But she was mine, and I miss her, and for a little while when I am watching Gilmore Girls I have some time back with my mom.