Monday, January 15, 2018

Not the day I wanted--Microblog Monday

I was excited when I went to sleep.

I was hopefully going to get Hamilton tickets from a presale. Yes we have seen it but I wanted to see it again very much and we planned to do so.

My car was in the shop from a check engine light.

We had a day off.

I had been feeling better from a stomach bug that I hadn't been able to shake. The night before I had the first real meal in a while.

I'd had a successful "Our Tree is Still Up" party.

Good mood.

This morning I woke up and ran to the bathroom as the diarrhea came back with a vengeance. (I don't care if it is TMI, it is my blog and I'll share if I want to.)

I slept.

I woke up for the Hamilton pre-sale and was seriously shocked at the prices. The cheapest seats--rear mezz were $200 - each. I know for a fact I didn't pay that much before. Maybe it was close but I know it wasn't that much and I got really annoyed because I could not justify paying more when I had seen the show.

D was in a mood and that's his stuff and I don't get into it here. Well with the exception that after 21 years of marriage his stuff is my stuff and well, stuff happened.

The car in the shop cost over $900. (It would have been over $1000 but I found a coupon.)

I slept some more because I felt like crap.

It's Martin Luther King day and I live in a country where when one of the 50 states were panicking
the man elected to the office of President thinks that the best use of his time is tweeting about a book.

I'm down. Today sucked.
Bad mood.

I hope tomorrow is better.



Monday, January 8, 2018

Oprah 2020


So, this was Oprah's speech at the Golden Globes yesterday.

I've heard a bunch of people saying that this might have been a speech to launch her presidential campaign for 2020.

I would vote for her.

Unfortunately that doesn't quite pack the punch it should. I mean if it turns out that the current occupant of the White House doesn't get impeached or resigns or something I would vote for Oprah's cat or dog before I would vote for him.

I am concerned that it will take generations to restore the country to what it was.

But I will be kind.
I will listen.
I will be the change I want to see in my country.

I hope.

That being said, when Oprah Winfrey can deliver a speech that makes me cheer. I would definitely like to see her more politically involved.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Microblog Monday - 2018, the blank page

Happy New Year.

I'm up way too fucking early because my darling daughter climbed into our bed and had decided that I was snoring too loud. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.

Last night we did our typical New Years Eve thing. This involves me cooking a 5-star dinner (though I will admit it was a 4 star one as the 5 year old had no desire for much of it.), putting child to bed and then watching the ball drop.
Oh, and for those who were bitching about Mariah Carey--I live 50 miles from Times Square. It is fucking cold here and last night it was 8 degrees. There is no one on the planet who can sing amazingly when it is 8 degrees. But I digress.

I'm not making resolutions. They don't generally work. Hell, I was looking at the things I wanted to do at Rosh Hashanah and I haven't gotten on top of that. I read this article about resolving a month at a time. I think that might be the way to go. So I'm going to list my goals for January, February, and March here.

January
Set up a working Work-From-Home routine.
As Lotus has half day kindergarten, and I've been out of work,  I decided to work from home (tutoring and free-lancing) until at least June.  Some days I'm good, some days I'm not. I will figure this out and work on it.

February
Fitness
This is the month to join the Y. Let's hope it works.

March
Social Media
Tame it to normal levels.


I think one a month might help. I hope so.

Wishing you all a happy 2018.


Monday, December 18, 2017

Microblog Monday - Right to know

Lotus had a dentist appt today.  (2 cavities--eek)

But the thing that has been going through my mind was a conversation with the staff of her pediatric dentist's office.

I overheard a phone call that the assistant took. The side I heard went like this.
"Are you a new patient?"
Pause
"We're always happy to have new patients. Let's see when we can get you in."
Pause.
"I'm glad to answer any questions."
Pause
"I'm sorry. I don't know the political leanings of the doctors. I've never asked them."
(This is when I started listening.)

"Well, they don't tell me who they voted for as they are cleaning a child's teeth. Nor would I want them to."
Pause.
Long pause.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, I will not answer that."
I could hear some squawks from the phone now.
"Ma'am, My vote and my political leanings are no one's business but my own. And I will not ask my coworkers who they voted for."
Pause
"Well I'm sorry you feel that way."
The secretary hang up the phone.

I went over to her. "Did she just ask you---"
"if we are Trump Supporters, yes. She's not the first. Won't be the last." I said she handled it well and they called Lotus back so I went with my kid.

Never would I ask a doctor who they voted for. Never. It is totally irrelevant. I'm stunned. I don't know if the person on the phone wanted a Trump supporter or not, but I don't care. This is something that is just wrong.

I do not support the current administration and I have no problem saying that.

If I were in an ambulance what I want is my doctor's skill. I want my doctor's knowledge. Even in this horrific political climate the last thing I'm thinking about is who my doctor voted for. I trust the medicine. I trust the knowledge.

I have a right to know where he or she went to school. I have a right to know if there are cases pending against him or her. I have no right to know his or her political affiliation, religion, or sexual orientation.

And I don't care.
This pediatric dentist is amazing. They paint my daughter's nails so she sits still to let the nail polish dry as they check her teeth. She leaves the office smiling.

That's all I care about.

Monday, December 11, 2017

What I know, what I suspect

Dear Lotus,

You asked me what I know about China Mommy. The answer is not much.
You asked me about China Daddy--and I know even less about him.

Here is what I know.

China Mommy wanted you.
Though you were born four years before the end of the one- child policy, it was waning. China Mommy could have gotten an abortion at any time, and she chose not to. For that I am more grateful than any words could possibly suggest. But your very existence says that she wanted you. She wanted to hold you and love you and watch you grow into the incredible woman that you will become. That I get to do this instead of her is so bittersweet.

China Mommy was young.
Word choices on the note she left with you indicate her youth.

China Mommy was thinking ahead.
She left the date and time of your birth. I didn't know until my students started giving me Chinese culture lessons how important that is, but it is and she did it for you.

You were left to be found.
Like the cliche, you were found on the steps of the SWI with a note. You were placed in a spot where you could not have been missed. Someone made damn certain that you were found and found quickly.

Someone in the orphanage nursed you.
Two days after we met you, we took you swimming. I had changed you into your bathing suit and put you on the bed in the hotel. I changed into my bathing suit and found two little hands on my left breast. You latched on before I could think about what was happening and--OW. It made me sad that I had no milk for you but grateful for the woman who had nursed you.

Here is what I suspect.

China Daddy (or perhaps China Mommy) was caucasian.
When I walk with you alone or when Daddy walks with you alone no one thinks to ask if you are adopted. There is a great deal of caucasian in your features. Your hair and my hair are the same in texture and color. Almost every one of our Asian friends have remarked that you look half. It matters not at all to me, but someday it might matter to you.

I suspect other things, but they are for your ears and eyes first.

One more thing I know.
Your life is everything to us.
Your happiness is everything to us.
We love you more than I ever knew it was possible to love.

That's it.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Lotus Loves Me - Microblog Monday

A few nights ago Lotus had a waking something.

I don't really know how to describe it.

She talks in her sleep and from what she said she was back in the orphanage.

She talked about being hungry. She talked about another little girl "Mei Mei." She talked about her Mama and Baba who were coming.

It was like she was reliving her memories. It was like she finally got to a point where she could process them. Where she could talk about them in a way I could understand. But she was asleep.

When I talked to her about it in the morning she said, no she didn't dream about China and told me an elaborate dream she had. I don't really know what happened.

Except I now have a little window as to what life was like there. And that's okay.

Monday, November 27, 2017

What I've learned through Nanowrimo

This year I did nanowrimo.

Well I actually really did it.

I didn't complete 50,000 words to have a novel written but I have about 12,000 done. Which, to be honest and fair is 12,000 more words than I would have had done if I hadn't signed up for it.
This year was different.

More often I would go into nanowrimo as a goose to my ongoing project. This year I'm shopping the project that was ongoing last year to agents.  (Fingers crossed!)

This year I started a new project on November 1. 27 days later I have 12,000 words done.
More important I have learned about myself as a writer and a little bit as a person, and a little bit as a mom.

I am not a "pantser"

I went to the Writers Digest Conference this year. I learned about pantsers--people who write their novel by the seat of their pants. I thought--hey, maybe I can do that. Before with the novels and screenplays I have written I would write a sketchy outline, and fill more things in as I went. Thinking of it as a bus line. Sometimes I'd get off and do a bit of exploring but at least I knew which bus line would get me from here to there.
So I was going to write without this safety net. I was going to write by the seat of my pants.

Well that didn't happen. If I realized when I sat down that I wanted to get character A to Point A, the session went well. If I didn't it was like my characters looked at me and said "Hey, you created me, you asshole, you figure this shit out." I didn't. What I have been doing with my writing time today and what I will be doing with my writing time this week is write a goddamn outline.

The only person I'm competing with is myself. 

My niece told me she was doing Nanowrimo. She might have even finished it. Who knows but I kept thinking, hey, I'm older and I've had stuff published professionally. Why is she doing this? How come I'm not doing better?

Then I hit myself over the head. I'm not competing with her. I'm writing my novel. She's writing hers. She's 29, I'm 46 which leads me to...

Writing while being a mom is hard

I knew this, but this time it was brought home to me by my daughter who would go off and play by herself for a while but the minute I started to write she wanted my undivided attention. This led to

My best ideas came when my head hit the pillow. 

This required me to sigh and debate if I wanted to grab my cell phone and speak the ideas or get up and write way into the morning.


What comes next:

Write an outline.
Make my world building shine.

Finish by March 15, 2018.

Here goes!