Fain I would climb, but that I fear to fall

I got a lot done today.

I revamped my resume.

I did research for possible freelance assignments.

I wrote a bit on my novel.

I wasn't feeling well this morning and didn't go to work, dropped off Lotus at daycare. I came home, slept, watched TV, and felt better. I got to work.

My contract ends in April.

Fain I would climb but that I fear to fall.

I don't know what happens next. I will get unemployment. I will look for jobs that I think will be a good fit for me.

I will also write, blog, and try to make money from my words that way.

This is what I have always wanted. To write. To tell stories and make money from my work and from people enjoying my work.

Fain I would climb but that I fear to fall. 

Right after I was laid off we had just adopted Lotus. My mother was dying and I couldn't add one more thing to my plate.

Now, now I think I want to try. I want to spread my wings and see if I will take off.  I want to.

Fain I would climb but that I fear to fall. 

But I am scared.
Lose your mind scared.
Minutes before they put the longed for, waited for, child in my hands scared.

At one point in the life of Queen Elizabeth I, her suitor Walter Raleigh, wrote with a diamond ring on a window paine. "Fain I would climb but I fear to fall."
Elizabeth I wrote back "If thy heart fail thee climb not at all."

Will my heart fail me.
I don't know.