Monday, December 18, 2017

Microblog Monday - Right to know

Lotus had a dentist appt today.  (2 cavities--eek)

But the thing that has been going through my mind was a conversation with the staff of her pediatric dentist's office.

I overheard a phone call that the assistant took. The side I heard went like this.
"Are you a new patient?"
Pause
"We're always happy to have new patients. Let's see when we can get you in."
Pause.
"I'm glad to answer any questions."
Pause
"I'm sorry. I don't know the political leanings of the doctors. I've never asked them."
(This is when I started listening.)

"Well, they don't tell me who they voted for as they are cleaning a child's teeth. Nor would I want them to."
Pause.
Long pause.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, I will not answer that."
I could hear some squawks from the phone now.
"Ma'am, My vote and my political leanings are no one's business but my own. And I will not ask my coworkers who they voted for."
Pause
"Well I'm sorry you feel that way."
The secretary hang up the phone.

I went over to her. "Did she just ask you---"
"if we are Trump Supporters, yes. She's not the first. Won't be the last." I said she handled it well and they called Lotus back so I went with my kid.

Never would I ask a doctor who they voted for. Never. It is totally irrelevant. I'm stunned. I don't know if the person on the phone wanted a Trump supporter or not, but I don't care. This is something that is just wrong.

I do not support the current administration and I have no problem saying that.

If I were in an ambulance what I want is my doctor's skill. I want my doctor's knowledge. Even in this horrific political climate the last thing I'm thinking about is who my doctor voted for. I trust the medicine. I trust the knowledge.

I have a right to know where he or she went to school. I have a right to know if there are cases pending against him or her. I have no right to know his or her political affiliation, religion, or sexual orientation.

And I don't care.
This pediatric dentist is amazing. They paint my daughter's nails so she sits still to let the nail polish dry as they check her teeth. She leaves the office smiling.

That's all I care about.

Monday, December 11, 2017

What I know, what I suspect

Dear Lotus,

You asked me what I know about China Mommy. The answer is not much.
You asked me about China Daddy--and I know even less about him.

Here is what I know.

China Mommy wanted you.
Though you were born four years before the end of the one- child policy, it was waning. China Mommy could have gotten an abortion at any time, and she chose not to. For that I am more grateful than any words could possibly suggest. But your very existence says that she wanted you. She wanted to hold you and love you and watch you grow into the incredible woman that you will become. That I get to do this instead of her is so bittersweet.

China Mommy was young.
Word choices on the note she left with you indicate her youth.

China Mommy was thinking ahead.
She left the date and time of your birth. I didn't know until my students started giving me Chinese culture lessons how important that is, but it is and she did it for you.

You were left to be found.
Like the cliche, you were found on the steps of the SWI with a note. You were placed in a spot where you could not have been missed. Someone made damn certain that you were found and found quickly.

Someone in the orphanage nursed you.
Two days after we met you, we took you swimming. I had changed you into your bathing suit and put you on the bed in the hotel. I changed into my bathing suit and found two little hands on my left breast. You latched on before I could think about what was happening and--OW. It made me sad that I had no milk for you but grateful for the woman who had nursed you.

Here is what I suspect.

China Daddy (or perhaps China Mommy) was caucasian.
When I walk with you alone or when Daddy walks with you alone no one thinks to ask if you are adopted. There is a great deal of caucasian in your features. Your hair and my hair are the same in texture and color. Almost every one of our Asian friends have remarked that you look half. It matters not at all to me, but someday it might matter to you.

I suspect other things, but they are for your ears and eyes first.

One more thing I know.
Your life is everything to us.
Your happiness is everything to us.
We love you more than I ever knew it was possible to love.

That's it.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Lotus Loves Me - Microblog Monday

A few nights ago Lotus had a waking something.

I don't really know how to describe it.

She talks in her sleep and from what she said she was back in the orphanage.

She talked about being hungry. She talked about another little girl "Mei Mei." She talked about her Mama and Baba who were coming.

It was like she was reliving her memories. It was like she finally got to a point where she could process them. Where she could talk about them in a way I could understand. But she was asleep.

When I talked to her about it in the morning she said, no she didn't dream about China and told me an elaborate dream she had. I don't really know what happened.

Except I now have a little window as to what life was like there. And that's okay.