Where I rage

"They weren't killed with guns but with hate. Well now I have hate!"
--Maria, West Side Story.

I forgive the author of my #MeToo moment because he changed. He changed into someone who could never do that again. But the person has changed and this jerk didn't.

I was the same age as Dr. Ford.

So when Senator Collins said that she didn't believe her and voted this prick bastard onto the Supreme Court. I raged.

I am still raging.

An open letter to Senator Collins,

I hope they haunt you.
The women who will die because of your vote.
Not only the women who will die when Roe is overturned.
Not only them.

But the woman who was raped and was told, by you, by your vote that if she comes forward no one will believe her.
Some will die inside as they hide away from the world.
Some will die because you have given people the idea that rape is somehow a woman's fault and they will commit suicide.
Some will die because they don't go to the hospital because you told them they will not be believed.    You told them that they will be laughed at. Not only that but it is all right that they are laughed at. I hope those women haunt you.

I hope you see their faces, white, brown, Asian, when you try to fall asleep and you can't.
I hope you hear their screams in your nightmares.
I hope you don't sleep.

I hope you know that because of you, that part of them have died.
I hope you get that.
I hope you suffer with this choice.

Moreover I hope you do not retire in 2020 and you get voted out on your ass.

I hope you don't suffer alone.
I wish the same on Senators Flake, Graham, and Grassley. I would wish it on McConnell but I don't believe he has a soul to be tormented.

I believe you do. And I hope you do. I hope you live a long life so you see what your actions have wrought. I hope you feel remorse then.

Until then, I hope you suffer as we are suffering now.

Reaching out my hand

My friends list and twitter feed have exploded about the Roseanne reboot.

I watched it. I enjoyed it. I will likely watch again.

A lot of my friends are furious as to what happened to the star. They are furious that she voted for Trump. They are furious that Roseanne Conner is a Trump supporter.

They will not-EVER watch this show.

I will.

I don't believe all Trump Supporters are Nazis. Though I believe all American Nazis are Trump supporters. I am curious how a character who, in the '90s brought an extra kid into her family because  she witnessed a horrible scene between the kid and his mother, could vote to take away the protections of these kids. It doesn't sound so impossible because the man is the President. Enough people voted for him. Not all of them were evil and horrible.

I have a friend--really an acquaintance who I grew up with who supported, and supports the current president. I don't understand her. I really don't. But I won't unfriend her, I won't turn away from her. When my mother was dying, she came.  A lot of my friends, some of whom I am very close to did not. Two of the people who I would have called close friends didn't even call, email, or write. But this person who supported the current president--she sat and read to my mom. My mom's hands shook too much to hold a book and this woman came and read to her. I will not say all Trump supporters are evil because this woman is not.

I know some people who will be angry at me for giving that much. I understand. I acknowledge my privilege. I am Jewish, and we are being persecuted. There has been more anti-semitic incidents since 45 came into the White House. But others are being persecuted worse, and I need to be an ally. Part of being an ally is to learn why people voted for him. If it is simple racism and fear of others then that is one thing. If it is something else... well then I have to find this out.

Why? Because at some point hopefully sooner rather than later this jerk will be out of office. At the very latest in January 2025, we will have a new president.

What happens then?

Do we keep on hating each other? Distrusting each other? Did you know that we now view our political opponents as enemies? Seriously this has got to stop! Somehow we have to view each other as fellow humans and fellow countrymen.

If you voted for the current occupant of the White House, yes, I distrust you, but you are not my enemy. You are a human being. You are a fellow American and I believe there is some common ground between us.

There has to be.

So, I'm going to keep watching Roseanne. Not because I like her, but because I need to understand her. Because if I can understand how one person changes, I can understand how others change. Then I can reach out my hand and say we disagree but we can find common ground.

I Believe The Children Are The Future

According to Facebook today is the day that my publishing job was "eliminated."

That was four years ago.

Since then I have done contract work. I have done freelance work. I have become a tutor. I have spent valuable time with my beautiful daughter.

While I no longer have any anger towards my former boss, I do have a bit towards the changes at the company that eliminated my job. I'm working on it.

Without it though I wouldn't be hopeful for the future. You see, I tutor.

I have a bunch of students ranging in age from 9 through 17. There's not one I dislike. They are all very different. Except this past week.

They all wanted to talk about the shooting in Florida.

The 9 year old had been shielded from the news, until that morning when her teacher talked about it with the class.

"Why would you allow someone who wants to shoot people to buy a gun?" she asked.
"Protection."
"You can protect yourself with a revolver." She said--using one of her vocabulary words. "You don't need an assault rifle."

One of the 16 year olds said, "I'm scared. I mean I'm seriously scared. I'm supposed to take the SATs in a month. What if someone comes in with a gun there? I mean seriously what if someone comes in to the SATs with an assault rifle? Fuck the NRA, I shouldn't have to worry about this when I'm studying all night for the SATs!" If she expected me to scold her use of the "F" word, she was wrong.

Three of the kids are, at their respective schools, organizing the walkouts and marches on Washington. (March for Our Lives, National School Walkout, and there's another one on April 20)  They are asking me if the colleges I've heard about will have issues with them walking out. I checked with my alma mater and they said absolutely not--as long as they will be peaceful.

We've been talking about the constitution. We've been talking about the amendments--all of them.

I'm so stinking proud of these kids. I'm so honored that they talk to me and ask me questions. They like it when I don't pull my punches. One of them said, "You know, I thought when you grew up and became an adult you had all the answers." I shrugged and said that wasn't the way it is.  My student grinned widely, "It's kind of nice to know that you guys can really screw stuff up too. I mean I figured it out since Trump was elected, but still--damn you know!" I couldn't have said it better myself

Were going through a dark time right now politically. Our leaders have lost their souls. Our leaders like the money they get from the NRA more than they like children's lives. Our leaders respect the right of people to own things that can kill them, rather than our right to exist.  I think that these kids will be voting differently in November.

I watch these kids and I have hope.

Microblog Monday - It's getting to me.

At the end of West Side Story a woman kneels at the side of her dead lover who has been shot. Two rival gangs stand and approach each other with violence on their minds.

"Stay back!" The woman says. She goes to the boy with the gun and takes it from him.

"How do I use this? By pulling this little trigger? You all killed him... not with guns but with hate. Now I can kill too because I have hate."

I'm finding myself hating.
Hating the occupant of the White House.
Hating the people who thought it would be a good idea to get him elected.
Hating the haters.

I'm finding myself in rages.
Rages at the political climate.
I have to stop shouting and yet I can't keep myself from shouting.

I want to de-personalize people. I want to say if they think THAT, then they aren't deserving of the moniker human being.

I want to.

And then I can't. I can't let my body fill up with hate. I can't let myself give into the fear.

How do you not give into the hate? How do you avoid cocooning in your home because you don't think you can handle somebody discriminating against you? How do you avoid it?

It's getting to me.

I can't forget this day-Microblog Monday

Billy Joel may have said it best.

"And it's hard to believe after all these years, it still gives you pain and it still brings tears."

I can't forget how beautiful the day was.

I can't forget the frantic calls. "Did you go into the city today?" "Pick up the phone, damn it, "

I can't forget my friend who was in lower Manhattan. She and her husband (then he was her fiancé) live with this day as a day of dust and blood and a miracle of finding each other.

I can't forget my mentor's partner. She kissed her partner goodbye to get on a plane. That plane would be flown into Tower one.

I can't forget how the country came together.
I can't forget how the people who didn't vote for George W. Bush and the people who did all came behind him to hope that he would do good.


And now we hate each other.
We do.
We hate each other with the same virulence that the people who rammed the planes into the towers hated us.

How they must laugh.
They got what they wanted.

They laugh at you.

Whenever you look at someone and think of that person as someone other. Be it LGBTQ, black, asian, hispanic, Trump voter, libertarian, conservative, liberal democrat republican.  If you look at a fellow American and think how they are not like you and not to be trusted you are making the terrorists laugh.  They rub their hands together in glee because we gave them exactly what they wanted.

We divided America.
They didn't.

You think "oh that's other people, I love and respect always." Really? Maybe so. Maybe you're that much better than I am.
I have problems thinking of some as fellow humans.

And I'm trying to stop.

Let this be the day that we reach our hands across the chasm. Maybe we'll shake hands like Sirus Black and Severus Snape, but we can shake each other's hand because we are all Americans. We can be better. We've got to try.

Here is my hand. Outstretched. How can I help you?

Memorial Day

My thoughts on this day were found on a bench in Edinburgh, Scotland.

"When you return, speak of us and say 'It was for your tomorrow that we gave our today.'"

Thank you to all who made the final sacrifice.