Seeing the future

My grandmother had a gift. Maybe a curse.

She could attend a wedding, engagement party, even watch a couple who were dating and know, know as an undeniable truth that they would not work out.

I remember going to a cousin's wedding. Big fancy wedding. Bride and groom made lovey-dovey faces at each other. When we came home my mom said what a nice wedding it was. I said that it would have been nicer if I thought for even ten minutes that the happy couple would work out. I watched my mother's face pale. It seemed that I said my grandmother's exact words with the exact tone that she had used about this cousin's parents. My grandmother had been proven correct seven years later. My cousin's marriage didn't even last that long.

I haven't always been able to predict it. Some friends split up and I really thought they were going the long haul. But right now, I'm watching my niece start on the road to the wedding and I know, I know, she's going down the road for heartache. Other people have told her and she just doesn't care.

I don't get this.

Her "fiancé" asked her to marry him, with a ring and everything, at the end of 2017. But--she's not allowed to tell anyone on social media. He wanted to wait to tell his family. Then he wanted to wait to tell someone else. It's March now, and she's still not allowed to tell people on social media. This means most of her friends don't know.

When her father got engaged, I remember that he was so proud and happy that he stopped the mailman and pointed out my soon to be sister in law.  "Isn't she beautiful! She's the most amazing woman inside and out and she is marrying me!" They've been married over 30 years. Not without bumps,  but still.

My niece has been dating this guy for a while. about six years or so. They broke up when she wanted to become engaged and he didn't. Then he charmed and wheedled and she took him back and she told him that if she didn't have a ring by the time 2018 came she'd be gone. So he got her a ring and forbid her to tell anyone about it.

When it comes to wedding planning he refuses to get married near where her parents live and where she wants to be married. There is an elderly aunt who can't travel and my niece wants her there, but he refuses so that's it.

He insists that she must formally convert to Judaism. Her father is Jewish, her mother is not. She was raised Jewish. She teaches Hebrew School. But it isn't Jewish enough and he belittles her hard-won Jewish knowledge. Their relationship is filled with his micro-agressions towards her.

Yet when anyone tells her that this is not the way a loving man treats his bride-to-be, she dismisses it. She loves him. She wants him.

So I wait with my heart hurting. I know that at some point she will see him for what he is. Maybe he'll change, but I'm not holding my breath. I wish so much that she could see him the way we do. I wish that she would stand her ground. She's a strong woman.  Or she was.

But her biological clock is ticking. She's worried she'll have problems getting pregnant. She wants to be a mother and she thinks that this guy is the only way that can happen. I worry that if she has problems getting pregnant he will blame her and come down on her. I worry.

I wonder if she really doesn't see it, or if she's using her heart to override her head. Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of thing--if so what did you do?

Trade Me by Courtney Milan

This book.

This book.

It blew me away.

I don't like the New Adult romance genre spawned by the 50 Shades trilogy as a general rule.  However when a story comes along like this I owe it to myself and romance fans to talk about it.

First, look at that beautiful non-white woman on the cover. I am so tired of the lack of diversity in romance that this was reason enough to buy this book.

Second, I would like to discuss a problem I have with most New Adult romance books.  Most books in the genre have a protagonist--or two--in college.  My issue has always been how come these college-educated people are doing such stupid things! The main characters in Trade Me talk about the decision making processes--such as they are.

Third, chemistry. Oh the chemistry between these two fully realized characters is so hot that if you put a container of ice-cream over the book it would melt!

Fourth, the organic use of characters. Tina--our heroine--has a roommate who used to be a man. Blake--our hero--is mourning the loss of his father's partner.  Any one of these characters and plot twists could, in the hands of a lesser author, be sensationalized. Here it is just a simple turn.

I think that's what I like most about this book--stunning simplicity. When done right simplicity makes for a wonderful romance.

Read this book and enjoy!