Broadway music saved my life--now it is saving my sanity.

Broadway music saved my life.

More than once.

When I was in sixth grade I had a horrible teacher. Think Snape--except without the forgiving back story. I was depressed. I was suicidal.

My parents were fairly oblivious. I didn't think I could tell them anything.  But they knew I was unhappy. They sent me to my aunt and uncle for a week. Where my aunt and uncle saved my life.

They took me to a show. A national tour of Man of La Mancha. While I had seen several musicals--growing up in a suburb of New York City-- this was the first one I climbed in and lived in. After that, no conversation was had without me bringing up Man of La Mancha. Which was my favorite song today? Then I would play it over and over --rewinding the cassette a myriad of times (because of course I had it on cassette since MP3s were decades away). I memorized the entire book of the musical. I read Don Quixote (a fairly bad translation) when I was 12 years old. I read biographies of Don Miguel de Cervantes.  I took comfort from the fact that even when everyone laughed at Don Quixote and beat him and turned away from him--he still followed the Impossible Dream.  It made me believe that I could go on and do it to.

I got through the rest of the school year. I think part of it was that I told my aunt some of the stuff my teacher said and things got better at home. Things got better.

I'm in a dark place lately. I want to just hold on to my daughter because she makes me laugh. She hugs me and makes me comfortable in a world that has grown increasingly uncomfortable. I then thought of what I used to do when I was uncomfortable and I thought of Man of La Mancha. Got the CD and listened to it. '

And today, today, it is helping me go on. Helping me say that I can follow the quest. No matter how hopeless, no matter how far.

Below is Brian Stokes Mitchell in what I would say is the best version of this.
I will strive with my last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars.

Just call me Wall-E

So I'm anxious.

I've mentioned that.

I've been going for walks and stuff and it is helping. What else is helping is turning off the computer and turning on Netflix.

I've been watching Hello Dolly. The movie. Starring Barbra Streisand, Walter Matthau, and a young Michael Crawford--decades before he would don a mask.
I'm alone in the house so I sing all the songs.

My husband would be quick to tell me that I sing all the songs anyway--but I sing them at the top of my lungs when I watch it alone.

Put On Your Sunday Clothes is wonderful and makes me ignore bad stuff.
So Long Dearie is underrated.

It's a happy movie, and I could use a little bit of happy movie.

Original Cast -- Microblog Monday

Unless you pay no attention to your trending lists, you know that Lin-Manuel Miranda has left his titular role as Hamilton.

This surprises me not at all, as he has a lot of plates juggling and he is incredibly talented. I recall he left In The Heights after around the same amount of time. I did not see In The Heights in the beginning of its run, but I did see it with Lin-Manuel Miranda who had returned to the role of Usnavi later in the production, just as he says he will return to Hamilton. I trust that he will keep his word.

I saw Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal in Rent. Not the original cast, but when they returned again later in the run.  It was brilliant, however, I have to say that the person I saw playing Roger (Adam Pascal's role) later in the run gave the role an extra sparkle. He was the best Roger I have seen.


There is something magical about seeing an Original Broadway Cast. No question. I'd like to say though, for all the whining that I'm seeing that people haven't seen the Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton--I'd like to say. If you have tickets for later performances--I'll gladly take them off your hands.

I believe that Lin-Manuel Miranda will come back to Hamilton, he's said as much. What I also believe is that he would not leave his precious creation in the hands of people who can't act the $*@& out of the role.

Moving along to Shuffle Along--they made the decision--crazy decision--to close when Audra MacDonald leaves one of the leading roles.  Audra MacDonald is good--amazing even, but why close a successful show when the actress' replacement has already been named.  I'm sorry I won't get to see this amazing show.

But I'm looking forward to seeing Hamilton--in a few years.

Schuyler Sister--IF Sister

Yesterday was the Tony Awards.

Since Lotus came home we have watched the beginning of the Tony Awards together.  The first time, when Neil Patrick Harris hosted, she adored. We kept it on our DVR for ages because she would love to watch the first number over and over. Then, when Hugh Jackman hosted the Tonys and began it by bouncing around Lotus jumped instead of walked for weeks. Last year she was getting over being sick, so I watched the Tonys after she went to sleep. Because Lotus loves some of the Hamilton soundtrack ("Play the shot song, mommy!" )  I was looking forward to watching some of the Tonys with her.

She liked the opening song, then got bored and played by herself for a bit. She's four, she does that now. But she crawled back on my lap when I started to cry listening to Renee Elise Goldsberry's acceptance speech.

Renee Elise Goldsberry played Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton. She won their first award of the night.  But the part of her speech that made me cry was this.

"and lastly I would just love to say that if you know anything about me, I've spent the last 10 years of my life what some would consider the life blood of a woman's career just trying to have children, and I can testify in front of all of you that the Lord gave me Benjamin and Brielle and then he still gave me this! Thank you!" 

I cried because there, at the pinnacle of her career, a woman spoke about infertility. I cried because there was someone who knew what I had gone through.  There was a woman who had spent time with a sore ass because of the meds and a battered heart as she cried after a failed cycle. 

She played a Schuyler sister, but she is my IF sister. She took the time out of her triumph to claim her kinship. I held my much-prayed-for child on my lap and cried tears of happiness for her triumph. 

When you are dealing with infertility and fighting the battle of your body you have comrades in arms. People you would never have imagined understand you and have been where you are. God bless you Renee Elise Goldsberry, and give you all the luck and craziness of your children. You have a sister here--in me. And if you wanted to get your sister tickets to Hamilton...I would't mind.

The last show

I like the new Facebook feature.  The one where you can click on something and then you can see all of your posts on this day for the past year.

I've been enjoying it.

For the most part.

Today though, three years ago today, D and I saw Fiorello with my parents.
Bad memory? No. Not at all. We had a wonderful time at the show. Went to dinner at La Bonne Soupe, discussed politics and had a wonderful time.

I just didn't know it would be the last one. I didn't know that wonderful time wouldn't happen again. The next day is one of the best of our lives--we got our referral.  Then we got Lotus. And then we lost mom. Dad hasn't been back to Broadway since--though we are hoping to change that.

I just thought there would be more shows. My sister did too. She was invited and she didn't want to go--she missed the last one. Her thoughts of this--I don't know. I know she has so many regrets.  A difference between she and I is that I have no regrets when it comes to mom--sometimes that helps.

Sometimes no.

But I wish we had had more.